Greetings fellow Lifeforms, my name is …......... Unpronounceable in your language, but you can call me Outerspaceman. I'm what you'd probably call an alien, or an extraterrestrial, or a little green man, (although my species is neither little nor green) take your pick.
I was sent over to this insignificant blue planet on a special mission, but before I get into too many details about that, I should probably clear a few things up first. First off, neither me, nor any of my species has ever been near that place you call Roswell, nor do we look like grey skinned humans with gigantic heads. I think those rumors were spread by a bunch of crackpots from that land you call New Mexico, who had wayyyyyyy too much time on their hands.
Another thing I should probably clear up is that we did not find that probe called Voyager that you sent out several years ago. A genocidal space empire from two solar systems away had gotten to it first. By the way, they seemed very pleased with that star chart you sent them, you know the one with all those coordinates to earth, so you can probably consider that mission a success.
I also have to say that I'm very disappointed at the things you say about my kind in your media. You seem to think that we're all psychotic invaders that steal your cows and want to see your leader. We're not all like that, I promise. I do have to give you credit for one thing though, that movie you call “Avatar” was fantastic. I can't see why you like to watch a bunch of blue skinned jungle people tear up your Marines, but hey, it certainly amused me. That genocidal space empire from two solar systems away also seemed to like it. They said that it showed just the kind of patriotic spirit they wanted to see in a planet ripe for invasion.
Anyway, back to the subject of my mission. You see, there's this great big university on my planet which is called …......... something that's also unpronounceable in your language. They hired me to do some research on the human race as part of their long term project to help save endangered species. Of course, my initial assignment was to do one of those boring secret research projects where I observe to species from afar and report my findings back to the Home World. But after a series of failed abductions and other mishaps, I decided that it would probably be best if I explained my research to you directly to avoid any misunderstandings. Not to mention that it gives me first hand experience in that human art you call “online blogging”.
So anyway, if you have any questions, comments, or concerns just post them at the bottom of the page. I'll probably publish some more of my findings shortly

Sincerely,

Outerspaceman